Robot Tea

Tonight we take advantage, for the first time, of respite care, and head out for the evening to a fundraising silent auction with ball team friends.

My stomach is in knots. This is the first time, ever, that I will leave my children with a stranger. I mean, yes, I have met her, but she is not someone who we have known for ages.

My keyboard has switched itself to French, so please ignore any randomly inserted accents.

I have always been worried about leaving Noel with people who donèt love him. I am certain that our overwhelming love for him is what keeps us from going completely off the deep end and locking him in a closet. Without love, what stops a person (okay, I know, human decency and so forth stops them, but these are not logical feelings I am having, so they ignore logical answers). What stops them from raising a hand to him, or making him feel small.

His amazing amazing school and teachers have proved me wrong to some degree, on this front. They did not know him, or love him, back in August. But they sure do love him now. And we love them. This week we finally got his IPP in place, and I continue to be left with a warm fuzzy feeling for the place we chose, knowing it is truly the right place.

So tonight, on a date! Oh my. I even did my hair.

Also, if you have a moment, or an extra few dollars, please help us raise money for Noels service dog – www.4paws4noel.com

I’m over at Hopeful Parents today. Come on over.

This poor blog, is like a favourite new toy I got for Christmas, which I’ve now forgotten. And oh, how I feel guilty for it.

There is a constant pull, a tug, to document what is happening, to write about the lives of Noel and Holland and our lives as they revolve around them, but there is a stronger pull, one that maybe sort of feels if I don’t write it down then one day I will look back at these days differently, since I won’t have a written record of how it really was.

That’s a roundabout way of saying that things are difficult. They do not seem to improve. It feels like our feet our stuck, glued down, like we really want to step forward, but our legs are not strong enough. Likewise, we really want to help Noel, but maybe our hearts are not big enough. Because you can commit and commit to doing better every day, but when the stress bears down and the little cracks start to show, then it’s sort of all over, isn’t it?

Before I became pregnant with Holland, I went on a ‘lifestyle’ plan, that included better eating, a lot of exercise, and so on. One thing the nutritionist said to me is that a huge downfall for many people, is the feeling that the day is shot – Slipped up at lunch and indulged our McD’s craving? Well obviously you should give up for the day, give in to everything else and start again tomorrow.

Parenting is sort of like that – when we start the day poorly, I am quick to write off the entire day, and so I stop trying. This is my downfall. So I need to change that. But how?

In 2010…

I will listen more, and yell less
I will look for all the positive in my children, instead of drowning in the negative
I will be more present
I will read and learn as much as I can handle about Asperger’s
I will never back down