This evening, I am trying to come to terms with my desire for perfection at Christmastime.
Every year, I design the Christmas cards from scratch. Have them printed. Hand address the envelopes, write a Christmas letter with the hope that it will be at least entertaining for the amount of time it takes to read it. This year, I even took the photos for our card.
I bake, I shop furiously. We host a wine and cheese party, and often we also plan and execute a party for the softball team. This year, I also made vanilla extract, designed labels, tied on ribbon. I sewed gifts, and made pendants for special women in our lives. I made photo calendars.
And I’m freaking out. We’re headed to the cabin for Christmas, so I effectively hacked a good 5 days off my prep time. Another 2 days was shaved off at the beginning of the week when Holland started vomiting at random, inexplicable times. (Turns out she had an ear infection).
I haven’t wrapped a single present. Half of my cards are written and in envelopes, awaiting sealing and stamps, while the other half languishes at the printing place, where they were missed when Kyle picked up the rest of my printed goods today. I still have mountains of laundry to do. I haven’t made a packing list, or even brought the suitcases up from the basement.
Oh, and we leave tomorrow morning.
And so I’m trying to figure out how I can learn to just let things go. Be zen, realize that Christmas is not about these things, and just enjoy myself. I understand the spirit of the season, and I guess for me, a big part of that spirit is in reaching out to friends and family with our cards, about carefully selecting, making, wrapping gifts for our family. But the pressure can grow to be unbearable.
Ultimately, I know that I could wrap a bag of M & M’s and Noel and Holland would be content. In fact, I could give Holland absolutely nothing and she’d be none the wiser. But I would know, and it’s too much for me to ignore. But I worry about what they will remember of their mom when they are older – I hope that it’s of a mother who tried hard to make the season magical for them, not of a mother who was annoyed and frustrated for the entire month of December, save for Christmas day.
