This poor blog, is like a favourite new toy I got for Christmas, which I’ve now forgotten. And oh, how I feel guilty for it.
There is a constant pull, a tug, to document what is happening, to write about the lives of Noel and Holland and our lives as they revolve around them, but there is a stronger pull, one that maybe sort of feels if I don’t write it down then one day I will look back at these days differently, since I won’t have a written record of how it really was.
That’s a roundabout way of saying that things are difficult. They do not seem to improve. It feels like our feet our stuck, glued down, like we really want to step forward, but our legs are not strong enough. Likewise, we really want to help Noel, but maybe our hearts are not big enough. Because you can commit and commit to doing better every day, but when the stress bears down and the little cracks start to show, then it’s sort of all over, isn’t it?
Before I became pregnant with Holland, I went on a ‘lifestyle’ plan, that included better eating, a lot of exercise, and so on. One thing the nutritionist said to me is that a huge downfall for many people, is the feeling that the day is shot – Slipped up at lunch and indulged our McD’s craving? Well obviously you should give up for the day, give in to everything else and start again tomorrow.
Parenting is sort of like that – when we start the day poorly, I am quick to write off the entire day, and so I stop trying. This is my downfall. So I need to change that. But how?
4 Responses to “When the Day is Shot”
I so feel your pain
Hugs Steph
The only way to do it- is to think in terms of 10 minutes or even 5
I have missed reading your posts. I understand how you feel.
I really admire your honesty.
I’m very familiar with the ol’ black & white thinking, of “I am doing GREAT on the diet” or “I am failing miserably on the diet and I might as well have the rest of the cookies.”. The only way I’ve found the shades of gray is to talk to a therapist, and she gently reminded me of that very thing, over and over, until I see it much more easily now.
Even this morning, my kids woke me up at 3am and kept me up for hours, and boy, I had every reason to just say “this day SUCKS”. But I reminded myself that one bad moment (or series of moments) does not define my day…okay, I had to remind myself of that a LOT as I struggled to change around my entire day based on what had been thrown in my direction. It’s not easy, but it’s a lot easier than it used to be. That’s the only way I can figure out of the whole ‘black/white’ thinking. Hope this helps.
p.s. posting while things are crappy may be a good thing – you’ll see how far you’ve come one day soon. Take care!
I think the reaction to just say, “screw it!” comes from being exhausted. your emotional reserves are depleted. there’s little or no emotional rebound space. in a state like that, it’s really hard to roll with the challenges that pop up daily. actually, it’s damn near impossible.
I find I need some settling down time after completely stressing out. I don’t mean time without the kids, but just to remind myself to wait and try to let the anger dissipate. I try to keep it under control until the kids hit a (slightly) calmer spot in the day where I can literally take a few deep breaths. that’s my thing… just get to the next calm(ish) spot.